


such as we are made of

by sinequanon



Series: Happy Holidays 2016 [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 21:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9035180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinequanon/pseuds/sinequanon
Summary: AU. Most days, Ichigo is the normal teenager and substitute Shinigami that people expect him to be.Sometimes, though, Ichigo is a little more hollow than usual.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to do a couple of short, last-minute fics for the holidays right before my brain decided to go on vacation--this is the end result of one of them.
> 
> A lot of the fics that I've read that deal with Ichigo as a hollow take one of two approaches: either Ichigo gets turned into a hollow prior to canon events, usually because of trauma; or the hollow usurps canon Ichigo. 
> 
> This is neither of those things. It's a bit weird, but I kind of like it, and I hope you do, too.

There were days when Ichigo felt a little more hollow than usual. They didn't happen very often at first, when Ichigo was too worried about saving Rukia to think about anything else, but the relative peace following Aizen's death had left the teenager with extra time to recognize and come to terms with the complexity of his own soul. He had learned that on hollow days, it was best to avoid everyone other than his sisters, his dad, and Urahara.

The Visored, while sympathetic, weren't connected to their hollows in the same way as Ichigo. They fought with their hollows for dominance and used the hollow’s power, but otherwise pretended that their shadow selves did not exist. For Ichigo, he _was_ the hollow, and always had been, so there was nothing to push away or ignore.

Ichigo knew well that the desire to protect could easily become a hunger that would one day devour them all--he felt it through every fiber of his being; the need to take, precariously balanced with the need to give. Thankfully, his family understood the lengths that Ichigo would go to see them safe, and loved him just as much when he was hollow as they did when he was mostly human. In fact, his sisters only crowded _closer_ whenever they noticed that particular gleam in their brother's eyes; and when his voice took on that strange, deep echo, his father joked loudly about how his voice was changing because his son was becoming a man.

Maybe he _was_ becoming a man, like his father said, but he was also becoming something else; something unprecedented that he didn't entirely understand.

On the days that Ichigo felt a little bit hollow, everything was sharper, brighter, and louder. It was more difficult to stop himself from permanently removing any bullies in his path, to think of them as people rather than potential threats. On those days, his friends knew that it was best to let him be, but still kept an eye on him from a distance, just in case he needed them.

On those days, Ichigo rarely bothered asking his zanpakuto for help when he killed trespassing hollows, although he always felt fierce pride when the spirit offered his assistance anyway. On those days, he better understood why hollows were drawn to the human world--a feast for the senses so unlike the sands and darkness of Hueco Mundo--and he almost pitied them.

<> <>

Urahara always seemed to recognize the hollow days (though Ichigo had no idea how) because the shop was always empty when the teenager visited then, the others sent off on various errands.

There was always tea waiting, as was Urahara himself, and Ichigo had spent more than one afternoon sitting in easy silence with his mentor. There were no teasing glances or offers to spar, just quiet companionship while Ichigo went into his inner world and the former captain kept watch.

No matter how long Ichigo stayed in his meditative state, he always came back to the scientist’s inquisitive eyes staring back at him, though he never once asked any of the questions likely waiting on the tip of his tongue. Not at that time, anyway.

Urahara always saved his questions for when Ichigo was mostly human and more likely to respond with something other than a disconcerting stare. Ichigo always did his best to answer, but hollow, the teenager explained, was a lot like the moon: beautiful, changeable, and best observed from a distance. For Ichigo, being hollow was like wearing a cloak that hung heavily over his shoulders and wrapped around to shield most of him from view. During those times, his humanity was simply harder to see, hidden carefully behind the hollow’s armor.

On days when the teenager was feeling hollow, Urahara would let Ichigo wander his shop at will, even when it meant that the boy turned his too curious, too yellow eyes on one of the older man's experiments. Ichigo almost looked forward to the hollow times, because it gave him a chance to see the man behind all the secrets.

Urahara would never let anything harm him, Ichigo was certain, because when Ichigo changed, he noticed that his friend changed, too. The teenager could see the fire carefully banked in Urahara’s eyes--the determination to protect his protege from anyone, including Soul Society. They never outright spoke of it, but both of them feared Seireitei’s reaction if they found out just how hollow Ichigo could be. Not everyone would respond poorly, of course--Ichigo had done far too much good for that--but the former captain had seen firsthand the devastation that fear and misunderstanding could cause, and had no desire to watch his pupil experience the same loss.

Even when Ichigo felt a little more hollow than usual, he recognized loyalty, and gave his in return.

Despite what those in Soul Society might say, it was on days that Ichigo felt a little hollow that he best understood what he was fighting for. In his sisters’ gentle touches, Ichigo understood compassion; in his friends’ protective glances, he knew fellowship; in his mentor's work, he could appreciate devotion. Every time the world became a little too much, they would remind him of what he was protecting.

If the price for protecting everyone he loved was being a little bit hollow, Ichigo would willingly pay that price.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from William Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night".
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


End file.
